Decisions

Now we are faced with decisions.   And also, questions.

First, for my doctor.  My file was referred for an opinion from an expert at the Cleveland Clinic.  While the information was good, more questions than answers came out of it.  The most important being that the expert said I have "bulky" disease.  This is a major blow to my psyche if true and I need to regroup and refocus.  Bulky disease is one of the "unfavorable" factors.  I don't like the sound of that at all and it was generally considered a good thing when my own doctor told me that he considered the mass in my chest significant, but not "bulky." 

So, just how bad is this bulky thing, anyway?  That's going to be a question for this week.

Also, while getting props for a good first follow-up PET, the words in conjunction with one of my treatment options were, "probability of relapse would be high."  I hated to hear that.  I wanted to hear that my first PET scan meant "no chance of relapse."

Now, I'm not saying that what I wanted to hear was realistic.  But it was ugly to hear of any instance where this thing would come back and I spent a few days very dissociated while I adjusted my reality check equipment.

On another front, Helen and Sarah finally got me to an introduction to Yoga at their yoga studio.  This is a pretty serious studio with a set of widely known teachers.  It was very enjoyable and geared to beginners. But it was a serious work out.   I felt pretty debilitated at the start of it, but very much better by the end.   It's not something I had seriously considered before.  But I may give it at try.